It may be that I see Thanks as something very personal. Silver linings are shared, and often being pointed out to others. Everything is easier when done for others. I spend a lot of time up lifting others, helping others, and trying to inspire (even if just in small ways). I sound a bit narcissistic saying that, I know.

It is far easier to put effort in to others, then it is to take a hard look at your own life. Over my many years I have often taken a look at my life. I believe in living authentically, and tend to preach far too much on the concept. The problem is, over the last year or more, I have stopped living truly authentically.

I have no doubt the lapse in my authenticity has caused many of my current problems.  I’ve given up the battles. I’ve stepped aside and let others dictate my actions. I’ve become the depressed, frustrated, and reclusive person I was years ago. I despised that person. I fought hard to change that person. And yet, here she is again.

I don’t hate my life. Not the way people in my situation would normally. There are a lot of things I love about my life. I love my job, for the most part. We all have bad days, challenging co-workers, and a loss of faith. I love that I have a home to go to every night, good friends, entertaining critters, and the courage to follow my beliefs.

These are things I should be thankful for – I should be. Many people don’t have a job, let alone one they can be frustrated with, or lose faith in. There are people who don’t have friends or a roof over their head. There are lonely people who would love to be in a relationship, and even people who would love to have a pet.

I think there is a part of me which is thankful. However, I think there is a larger part of me which would be happier in seclusion on an island. Away from technology, office politics, relationships of any kind, and the mundane drone of everyday life.

While I relish the thought of escape I know it would be the simple way out. It is such a tempting idea. I sometimes wish I was the type of person who gave in to temptation.  The fighter in me however…. Can never let things go down the easy road.

So…here is my dilemma. I need to find my thankfulness.  I need to find that one, earth shattering, eye opening, all inclusive reason to be thankful. Until I do, I will work on finding my authenticity again. Part of me got lost somewhere, and it is time to get it back. I know it will involve some changes. I know some of those changes will be welcomed, others…not so welcome.

For now though….I wish you true authenticity. The ability to know yourself, your fears, your dreams, your thankfulness, and never doubt any of it. May your holiday’s sparkle with all the glitter and gold every smile and laugh can offer. It is a time to be thankful, and to remember the greatest thing about ourselves – our ability to overcome when all faith is gone.

Goodnight my friends, and Happy Holidays!

I use to think….you stood up for what you believed in.

I use to think….you couldn’t do a job well unless you cared about what you were doing.

I use to think….doing the right thing for the right reasons mattered.

I use to think….you did what was right for the business, and for the customer.

I use to think…….but I’ve learned, thinking doesn’t get you any where.

Recently, I’ve made a decision to limit what I care about. When I made the decision I sat down and prioritized the things I believe I care about now. I discovered I care about things which only matter in a perfect world.

You see, in a perfect world parents care about their kids, and the kids care about the parents. We don’t live in a perfect world though do we? The news proves it all of the time. Kids killing people, parents killing kids, everyone abandoning everyone, kids disowning their parents, parents placing their priorities in the wrong place, …. the list goes on and on and on. In a perfect world every child is loved, every parent is perfect, and no one ever doubts how anyone feels.

In a perfect world employees love their jobs as much as employers love their employees. We don’t live in a perfect world though. We see it in the paper all the time – employees kill their bosses, companies lay off thousands of people, everyone is seeing one or more doctors because stress is slowly killing them. You’re supposed to do more, faster, and cheaper with less and less while your hands are tied. We’re supposed to retain our humanity while being treated like mindless animals. In a perfect world people are paid what they’re worth, they thrive because they’re believed in and listened to, and companies grow because nobody feels like they’re left out in the cold, or that their ideas, opinions, and suggestions don’t matter.

In a perfect world relationships last forever. People are friends forever, married forever, close to their families forever, have the same jobs forever, visit the same stores forever, hold on to life forever. But again, we don’t live in a perfect world. Divorces are on the rise, they’re creating “trial period marriages” so people have an easy way out. Families don’t talk often, if at all. Friends come and go, and can’t always be trusted. Jobs are left, companies close, life ends…and it is all common place. In a perfect world simple things matter most.

In a perfect world you can trust everyone. People don’t lie to your face, or say one thing to you and something different to others. People don’t scheme and expect you to understand. In a perfect world people believe your word is your bond, and lying is painful. Today though – lying is normal. Name calling, bullying, scheming, is all common place and seen as necessary. You stop trusting people and loneliness creaps in. Perhaps it is why depression is so rampant in the world today? We’ve lost our reason to believe in others.

In a perfect world I don’t write posts like this, or even consider them! In a perfect world I laugh in the sunshine, not just the rain. In a perfect world I have faith in others and fight for what I believe in. I have goals and dreams and never doubt I can reach them. In a perfect world….there is hope.

I don’t live in a perfect world and it is proven to me every day, over and over and over again. My faith has been shaken, my trust has disappeared, and hope….I think I saw it run off with the mailman. I’ve become a monkey on a keyboard, again. And I’ve made a decision…..

Life is a choice, and this life is mine. So, I will care about my family – No matter what! I will care about my job – even though caring doesn’t matter. I will care about the truth – and won’t allow schemers and liars to darken my life. I will care about my dreams and goals – even if I don’t share them with a soul. I will care about relationships – and look forward to starting a good one.

I will care even when the world repeatedly shows me I shouldn’t! Because….it is my life, my grain of sand, my one and only chance to be the me I want to be. I will care….but I won’t think any more.

So for today, I wish you a perfect world because EVERYONE deserves it! I wish you dreams, and goals, and a belief in yourself that no one can take away. I wish you laughter in the sunshine, and a tearless rain. I wish you a chance to be the best you you can be. And when it comes right down to it…I wish you you.

Goodnight my friends!

“Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.”

~Charles Dickens~

Let me start by saying I’m not a fan of our society. I love the people in it, but as a whole I think it has lost its mind. That, of course, is my politest opinion.

We ALL need to take responsibility for societies insanity. We remain quiet, stand back, let fear rule us, and perpetuate the insanity even further. How?

1. We make fun of others – the first person to tell me they are not guilty of this, is the first person I will deem the worlds most indifferent liar. NO ONE is guilt free.

Whether it is how someone dresses, how they talk, whether they’re to skinny or two fat, their sexual orientation, their religious beliefs, or just for being themselves and not following the pack.

If you want proof of our irritating, unflattering, insensitivity, think about all the websites which have popped up – The People of Walmart, Fail Blog, etc. They’re main goal is to embarass, make fun of, and just be cruel to people.

I don’t visit the sites because it just frustates me even more. We’re idiots! Who cares if someone wears hot pink with plaid, or wears their clothes three sizes to small. It may be all they have to wear. It may make them feel good. They may already be embarassed about it and don’t need you to point and laugh.

I’m sure, at some point, in everyones lives they were made fun of for something. I know I was – often. I was the chubby kid in school. It wasn’t something I would have choosen for myself but, I didn’t let it stop me. Kids did make fun of me – and many times my feelings were hurt. I fought back though. Not physically but mentally. The bully’s learned I just didn’t care. My favorite phrase was: “Why waste your time? You’re spouting words only you care about.”

I was lucky – things could have been much worse. In the end, it was intimidation which stopped the teasing. I was, after all, larger than the other kids. I don’t mean just size wise, but also height.

Outside of that though – I am extremely guilty of making fun of people. There are so many facets I’m guilty of – from the way people dress, to hygiene, to behavior, to beliefs. It is hard to not to point out what doesn’t fit our picture of how things should be. How we would do things. Taking the “they’re not us” out of the equation.

I believe there are two main reasons we make fun of people – maybe three. First, because someone made fun of us. Second, because we can’t process the differences based on our “picture” of how things should be. Third, because we need to make ourselves feel better about ourselves.

Personally number three seems a little hokey to me. How does tearing someone else down, raise us up? It doesn’t make sense. Perhaps I’m looking at it wrong though… It might require more thinking on my part.

2. We don’t accept people as they are, we want them to be as we are – the first thing that pops into my mind is “gay” being evil. I’ll never understand this one.

History is filled with people who chose an alternative sex life. They were often the most creative, talented, and well known people. None of us would call them evil, or bad, or make fun of their choices. Then why do we do it now?

Once upon a time people didn’t think anything of two women together, or two men. In fact it was rather normal. Somewhere in our history it all changed, but why? Oh yes, I remember….religion became more predominent. We really lost our sanity then, and our belief in life.

If we were smart we would make religion illegal. I’m not talking about praying, or learning, or following a belief system. I’m talking about organized religion. Let’s give “religion” back to the people. Let them think for themselves, and believe for themselves, and celebrate life any way they want to. Let’s stop raising a world full of blind faith followers. Oh, the changes that would make in the world….

And while we’re at it…. Let’s stop singling out a group of people who do think for themselves and catagorizing them as crazy, or evil, or my personal favorite, “Going against God!” How can we, simple people, ever claim to know what any God thinks? Oh yes, the Bible tells you! I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but the Bible….is just a book. Man’s simple attempt to document what they saw/learned/believed/etc. at a time when the world was simpler.

What was then, is so different then today. We cannot ply the same logic to the world which worked thousands of years ago. The problems of today didn’t exist then. That brings me to number 3.

3. We blame the innocent. This one breaks my heart. There are far to many news articles on the death of children. Whether it is by anothers hand, or their own.

The advancement of our society had meant one thing – better news coverage. Today we hear more faster. A plus in some cases, like those of missing children. A minus in the cases of children who commit suicide.

We’re deluded into thinking these terrible events are increasing in our society. They haven’t increased as much as one would think. They’ve happened all throughout history. We just know about it faster now that it is being piped into every home in the world. In some cases, I think it has desensitized us to the truth horror of it.

We see a news broadcast about a missing girl, we say, “Oh! How horrible!”, and go about our day. Yes, we tell everyone we talk to. We share our concern for the child and the parents. We don’t, however, get involved. The same goes for a childs suicide.

That is what started this whole rant. I ran across an article about a 9 year old boy committing suicide. Nine years old! The child was being bullied at school. Kids were calling him gay, making fun of him, and no one….not one person…did anything.

I can’t even begin to think what I would have done if it would have been my child. I have three fantastically wonderful kids. They are all smart, talented, creative, unique individuals who I am lucky enough to call my kids. My worst fear is something happening to them. I worry a lot about my youngest son, and some of the choices he makes. I also worry a lot about my oldest son, and his temper. My daughter seems to have a pretty level head on her shoulders, but I still worry.

Our children are losing their innocence far sooner then we ever did. At 9 I don’t believe I knew what the word suicide meant. I don’t recall hearing about kids being kidnapped. I knew what death was but I understood death to be part of life. Living on a ranch engrained the meaning in my mind. I remember clearly my sisters death, and her funeral. I know how it affected me then, and now. I may have only been three, but I remember.

So, to know a child felt the only solution to his problem was death, greatly worries me. It only proves to me that society has truly become insane. We have lost our humanity in our incessant rush to have more, get more, and be more.

I’ll stop my ranting/preaching and leave you with one wish….I wish you understanding. The ability to look deep in to the heart of any situation and see your part in it. To realize the beat of the drum only exists because someone is play the drum, and someone is marching to it. Are you a player or a marcher? Understand, always, which side you are on, then fight for the other. We are only wholly ourselves when we know both sides.

Goodnight my friends.

“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it.”

~George Bernard Shaw~

Hygiene. Let me rant about hygiene for a minute, or two, or…..

I know the majority of us were raised to do a couple of little things every day:

1. Shower/Bathe
2. Brush Teeth
3. Brush Hair
4. Put on Deoderant
5. Put on clean clothes/underwear/etc.

Not what I would consider complicated stuff. In fact…it is pretty no-brainer stuff.

Here is my problem then. Call it Pet Peeve #1 because nothing else is more important. How on earth can people not notice when they stink? And how…do you tell them, politely, you don’t want to be around them because they stink? I have to add here…for those who know me… I don’t mean my version of polite but the society acceptable version of polite. My polite is not so polite, which is why I’m asking.

Here is the core of my problem. I have been around the same person, every day, for almost a year. When I say every day I mean EVERY DAY! Now, in this time I have went through 4 or 5 tubes of toothpaste – with only ten teeth to brush you don’t need much… I’ve went through numerous bottles of mouthwash, and countless things of deoderant. Bottles of body wash, shampoo, conditioner, body sprays, and bottles of perfumes.

Sounds pretty normal right? Well….this person I deal with every day still has the same tube of toothpaste, bottle of mouth wash, stick of deoderant, bottle of body wash, and has only bought shampoo once. They buy the spray on deoderant which smells up the house but does NOTHING to make them smell better. Whenever they use it I can’t breath for about half an hour….maybe that’s what they’re going for though?

Don’t get me started on their laundry either! I am now officially missing five towels – I have a total of 8 “good” towels. The only reason I have the towels I do have is because I throw them in my laundry and wash them. I probably wouldn’t be able to find any otherwise. I’m convinced the missing towels have become lost in their disgusting pile of laundry.

The last time I remember them doing laundry was when I asked them to throw a load, of my clothes, from the washer into the dryer. It doesn’t really get their clothes clean though. Worse yet, the pile of dirty clothes they have continues to grow! I think it is alive and is starting to multiply. I fear for the rest of us living in the house. I just know one night I’m going to wake up and be attacked by a living stack of gross, disgusting clothes. My life will be over! I just hope they put “Laundry finally killed her!” on my tombstone – to bad it won’t be my own laundry…

We all know what is acceptable by societies standards. We know, if someone smells, they are either going to be shunned, made fun of, or become the target of hazing. Possibly all three. In some cases, like the one I’m in, shunning has become part of life. I have been avoiding the person as much as I possibly can. It’s hard to do considering they live in my house.

They’re clueless! It is so beyond my understanding as to how they could be? How does one not know they stink? I know when I stink, or at least I like to think I do. If I can smell myself then shower is the first thought on my mind, not the last. I avoid everyone and everything until I can get a shower, or cleaned, or deoderized, or brushed, or perfumed, or….

So….

I have told them straight out, in my version of polite. It worked for about two seconds. Then they went right back to the old way. I’ve tried hinting but I might as well be talking to myself. At least I’d listen. I’ve reached my wits end. Next step…they move out. I cannot, will not, live with stinky, smelly, disgusting, or downright idiotic. No one should have to either!

I’ve been patient, understanding, polite, and forgiving. My nice side is running out of niceness though. If I was at work I could talk to HR. I wonder if I could get the HR person to stop by the house and tell them? Maybe if I bribe the HR person…..hmmmmm…. I probably couldn’t afford it.

I have friends who would willingly help me out. Unfortunately, their polite is similiar to my polite, which is why they’re my friends. :) I love my friends. They’re so awesome!

I think it all comes down to what we’re taught growing up. I am really thankful I was taught the important things – like cleanliness. My parents were very intelligent, and sometimes convincing, when I was growing up. Teenagers can sometimes be rebellious when their parents give them good advice…can’t say I was any different.

So…. for tonight, I wish you pleasant dreams, pleasant smells, cleanliness, and pleasant situations. Our own choices often get us where we are…whether we like to admit fault or not. It is what we do after we’re in those situations that matter most. Whatever it was that got me here, it is my choice to do something about it or be miserable. The first step is admitting there is a problem ya know. :)

Tomorrow a new day begins, and a new chance to make a difference. Goodnight my friends.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light

~Dylan Thomas~

Pet Peeve # 420 – Job Searching.

I’m not currently looking for a job. I’m happy where I am…most days. I always have my eye to the horizon though, just in case my ultimate dream job comes along. That doesn’t mean I’m putting in applications or actively searching.

Like most people I have days where I wish I’d win millions and not have to work again. It’s nice in concept but I know me. I would be bored within a week and regret any decision to stop working. I also have days where stress, frustration, and pure irritation drive me to rethink the love of my job. It generally has to do with the picture in my head of how things “should be” and not how they actually are at the time. I re-evaluate, meditate, and smack myself, then get back on track. I’m human after all and people/places/things can get the best of me.

I always hated job searching. It was/is a pain in the ….neck to write up a resume for each job. Cover letters are the bane of my existence which is why I’ve always stuck with a very generic one and just changed a few words. I’m rather good at resume’s, even though I don’t like them. I interviewed for every job I applied for and I thank my resume’ for it.

I spent about a year learning about writing resume’s and how to interview well. Cover letters were of course my weak area so I spent a lot of time on them. I must have been doing something right though while learning. I was actually asked to help teach a class and do mock interviews. I inherited the nickname “Interview Natzi.” It wasn’t given with any malice or anger.

I was given the nickname because I asked the tough questions, made people think, and was a harsh critic of resume’s and cover letters. It was because of that I received a lot of thanks. When the people I worked with went to interview they often said they found it easy and felt relaxed. And the majority of them increased the amount of interviews they received. It felt good to be helping. I sort of miss it at times.

So….why do I have a pet peeve around job searching? It has to do with other people. I have heard people complain about their not being jobs available. In this economy I can definitely understand the lack of jobs. The problem is though, people who really want a job will find a job.

Looking for a job is a job. If you’re not out there every day applying for jobs, then you’re not going to find one. If you’re not actively searching you’re going to miss the job which could have been perfect for you.

Don’t say you’re going to look for a job and use only one resource. Searching online is good but it is not the best place to find a job. Most towns/cities have resources for finding jobs. There are temp agencies you can sign up with who will let you know about jobs. They’ll call you in most cases.

Pick up a newspaper daily, drive around town and look for help wanted signs, apply at the places you go the most often, get out of the house and actively look for a job! Wanting a job and sitting at home every day is NOT going to get you a job. An employer is not going to show up at your door and offer you a job. You have to work to find a job – work being the key word!

When people tell me they can’t find a job, and then follow it up with, “Well, I applied for one but haven’t heard back.” My mind immediately jumps to “Lazy!” Don’t tell me you want a job and then give me excuses why you aren’t actively looking for one. Excuses tell me you really don’t want a job.

Working is part of life – get used to it! If you expect someone else to take care of you for the rest of your….you’re deluding yourself if you think they’re going to. It will become a point of contention. You’ll find yourself needing a job quick when they decide they’ve had enough.

If you use the excuse you can’t find the job you want, or are qualified for, you’re missing a very important fact – employers hire people who are employed. The job you may be qualified for may not take a second look at you if you don’t have employment history which fits their criteria.

No one wants to work a job they don’t want but, that job may be the stepping stone to the job you do want. I’ve worked jobs I really didn’t want. For instance – I spent a year cleaning dog kennels and working with a devil of a boss. I hated it!! However, I never gave up my search for the job I wanted. I sent out resume’s, picked up applications after work, and called on other jobs. It wasn’t long before I received another job offer which paid more, and had the hours I wanted.

I accepted the job but found I wasn’t well suited for it. The main reason was…. it was working at a pizza place. Do you know how hard it is to knead dough when you have long acrylic fingernails? Needless to say it didn’t work out well. I worked there for about a week. But….during that week I received another job offer. If it wouldn’t have been for the new job offer I would have cut my nails to continue working at the pizza place. It would have been out of necessity but you do what you have to.

Now, I should add in here that prior to the kennel job I was out of the work force for three years due to medical reasons. Three very long, very boring years. So, when I started looking for work again I had high hopes. I applied for every job I was qualified for….receiving interviews but never getting hired. I changed my tactics. I applied for everything!! That is how I ended up with the kennel job.

I speak from experience when I say apply for anything, and finding the next job will be easier. The best example I have is when I returned to the job force and kept searching. Let me tell you how it went….

I started at the kennel job, worked there for a year but kept applying for jobs. Let me add here I did not apply for jobs the whole year I was at the Kennel. I started applying somewhere within the last six weeks I was there. So…I was at the kennel for a year, the pizza place a week, then a cash advance place for two weeks, and then moved on to where I currently work.

It was just that quick. During that time I did ask each employer if, when hiring, job history mattered and just how much. I got the same answer each time – it matters a lot! It means the person is willing to work. No job history, or sporadic job history, laziness immediately creeps into their mind. It is human nature after all.

I can’t say I blame the employers for their thought process. If I was hiring I would have the same thoughts. Give me someone with a track history of working any day. Someone without a work history and questions start to pop into my mind – are they just plain lazy? Are they trust worthy? Do they have other issues – drugs, alcohol, attitude problems, trouble with authority? Are they hiding something, or hiding from something? The list goes on and on.

I know people do have valid reasons for not working. When I couldn’t work due to medical reasons, it was valid. It was a choice between working or living. I chose living. Disabilities often keep people from working. In most cases I understand but… I know a lot of people with disabilities who work. They may only work part time, but they do work. I admire those people. They don’t let their disability control their life.

I once had a doctor tell me to file for disability because of the severity of my bi-polar disorder. Not to mention the PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder. It took me two seconds to tell them they were nuts! My brain worked, my hands and feet worked. I was capable of doing hundreds and thousands of things. I was rather ticked off at their suggestion. My attitude kicked in and ‘I just HAD to show them!’ my disorders were not going to stop me from living.

I’m a bit stubborn I guess you’d say. Thing is though, I’ve never once regretted my decision to not file for disability. I saw it as the easy way out. Sure, I could have done it but…. I wouldn’t have only been cheating myself but wasting the governments money.

Granted my brain doesn’t function as great as it use to – not from lack of trying! It tends to get a bit fried when you die. I lost a large chunk of my childhood and have gaps in other areas. There’s just no way I’m going to let a doctor tell me, “You are going to have to relearn a lot of what you use to know, and there are going to be some memory damage.”

They were partially right – my short term memory sucks. It takes me a little longer to access my long term memory than I like – I’m working on that though. I also lost the number 7…at first. When I’d count to ten my mind would go: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10. The number 7 just didn’t exist. I kept trying to put the number 1 in its place when I’d see numbers. It was awesome!

I can live without memories I’ve forgotten – to me they just never existed and people fill me in when I don’t remember. I know my short term memory sucks so when I really have to remember something I repeat it multiple times. When I need to access my long term memory I have patience and let the information come to me.

What I’m trying to say is – with all of my challenges I refuse to go quietly into submission. I would rather not work. If I didn’t have to I would find things to occupy my time. The thing is though, I want to work. Where else can I find weird people, free entertainment, and a never ending supply of stories?

Having a job isn’t about working. Yes, you have to perform the tasks required of you but if you only focus on those tasks you miss the greatest part of what working means. You get paid to hang around with wonderful people!!

People who don’t want to work are missing out on a whole other world. I feel sorry for them in that aspect. I don’t however feel sorry for them if they’re complaing their lifes are boring, they never have any money, they can’t do this or that, or….just about anything they complain about.

Anyway…that is my take on my 420th pet peeve.

So…for today I wish you a new perspective on the world. The ability to see things with wonder, a smile, and perhaps a bit of laughter. If you can’t laugh at the things we see as mundane, forced upon us, or drudgery then I fear for your sanity. Life should be an adventure but….YOU have to make a choice – will it be, or won’t it be?

And on that note….goodnight my friends!

I recently discovered a interest. Before I tell you what this interest is, just let me say, I never, ever, thought it would be an interest. In fact….I could never figure out why people enjoyed it. I also thought they were a bit crazy for persuing it. I mean really….what fun could they actually find in it.

Now, I can’t say I’ve actually changed my opinion on the real, live, version of this interest. I don’t think I’m ready to venture into those waters. However, I can, finally, understand the comedic, and frustrating draw of this new interest. Granted, I can definitely see it being more entertaining with floating mushrooms, large cliffs, eiffel towers, yawning sphinxes, and moving parts. It probably has something to do with my inability to be serious all the time…. maybe…

I find it truly odd though that what I would normally find fitting my nature better – the hitting of and throwing of things – didn’t appeal to me. Although, I am disappointed I didn’t get to throw cows. I’m waiting for the beastly act of throwing bovine – I will do it! I’m hoping they’ll be purple, or perhaps green. The mundane is just so boring these days.

I’ve heard of throwing chickens. What is the name of the game? I’ll have to ask again. I thought it would be more fun than throwing cows but really….wouldn’t cows do more damage? Loudly? The thought of a purple cow hurling through the air at an unknown obstical just sounds so…..fantastical!! I can’t imagine throwing a giraffe though. Do they even make noise? I don’t think I’ve ever heard a giraffe sound imitated. Have you? Elephants, yes. Horses, definitely! Cows, dogs, cats, chickens…but no giraffe. I’ll have to ponder this one.

A new interest is always fantastic. The problem I face when finding a new interest though is I want to spend lots of time doing it. Whatever it may be. I can so see the thoughts running through your minds right now. Seriously, get out of the gutter! Back to the not so dark and dirty.

I remember as a child, learning to play soccer. I loved soccer! I remember bugging the heck out of my parents because I wanted a soccer ball…yesterday! I wanted all the fancy stuff. The soccer pads, the jersey’s, the nets, the shoes,… I wanted to be the best of the best because I had the best. The enthusiasm of youth! It was wonderful…at least from my vantage point. I’m sure my parents found it….interesting.

I’m the same way now with my new interest. I want the latest and greatest toys, gadgets, and gizmo’s that go with it. I want more examples, more, more, more…. I’ve started ordering and buying and planning the next purchase and…I am so a sucker for new interests.

I waste tons of money. I know I do. I can’t stop myself. I use the excuse of, “I’ve worked dang hard to get where I am, to have the money I do, so…I can dang well spend it on what I want too!” Then… I watch my bank account dwindle. I become frustrated because I look at all the junk “I just had to have!” Then… I rant about commercialism and our addiction to this throw away society we have. And then, I smack myself upside the head and say, “Knock it off damnit!”

It sticks for about a week, or until I find a new interest. Then it is back and I’m bummed because I’ve bought more useless junk. Okay, to be fair though, when you first buy it, it is not useless. After a couple of months though…it just takes up space.

I’m constantly throwing things out. My theory is – if I haven’t used it for 3 months it needs to go. The reason behind this practice is – things collect energy. Items which have not been used collect negative energy. By getting rid of things I haven’t used in 3 or more months is my way of getting rid of negative energy.

I don’t just throw the items away though. A quick cleansing – whether with soap or water, running through the washer/dryer, or a simple dusting – gets rid of any negativity attached. Then it goes to Goodwill. If it can’t be cleansed, has holes, is worn out, scratched, etc. then it finds its way to the old garbage. Goodwill is not my garbage can – unlike some people. That’s a whole rant in itself. I’ll save it for another day.

Anyway… you’re probably still wondering what the heck my new interest could possibly be. I can see it on your face! You’re just dying with curiousity. Yes, I know, I’m a bit over dramatic. It makes life fun though.

This weekend, while be bored with the usual weekend going on’s. I thought I’d try something new. A bit of a back story here. I have had a Wii in the house for almost a year now. It’ll be a year in October. I have never used it. It has always been a, “I’ll do it tomorrow”, type of thing. Well, tomorrow must have been Sunday.

So, we got the Wii out. (It is actually my room-mates Wii.) She showed me some of the games she had with it. I watched her play baseball…not my cup of tea. I watched her bowl – it looked to easy. It did have the benefit of not requiring the rental of well worn shoes though. I watched her box – I’ll pass completely on boxing. It is the dumbest “sport” I’ve ever seen. Men aren’t bright to begin with, then to let another man hit them until their brain swells knocking them out. Oh ya, there’s intelligience in there somewhere I’m sure…..

Anyway…back to the games. Then I watched her play golf. I have never been a golfer. I did get to drive a golf cart once around a course. Did you know that they do not have turbo on golf carts? I was sorely disappointed to discover that small fact. I also learned you’re supposed to stay on the golf cart path. Four wheeling is definitely out of the questions. Kill joys!

The appeal of golf eluded me. Still does to a point. However, I decided to play a round of golf on the Wii. I mean, what the heck, right? Well….36 holes later, and a lot of laughter. I discovered my new interest. The game has the unfortunate limitation of only one 9 hole course. The graphics don’t change. So, the search is on for more golf games for the Wii. Hence my previous rant of wanting all the goodies.

On a side note though. While it doesn’t feel like you’re getting a work out while playing. The next day you will pay! I’m sore from head to toe, but it is the good kind of sore. I’m looking forward to another night of playing golf now. Perhaps I’ll actually play a good game. It is my understanding that 15 over par is not good… I guess it is all a matter of perspective! :)

For tonight I wish you new adventures into unknown realms, trying new things even when they make no sense, and the wonderous ability to laugh yourself silly when things just don’t go the way you want. Life is short and being serious ages you. Once in a while you have to stop acting your age, and become a child again. What haven’t you tried lately?

Goodnight my friends!

I have had a very dark and dreary outlook on things lately. I wish I could say it was brought on by one single event. It isn’t that simple though. I’ve focused so much attention on everything I perceive as wrong. Basing my perception on my “picture” of how things should be. Focusing on so much negativity is enough to force you in to those dark recesses of your mind. Where there is no escape and survival is slim.

In the darkness of those recesses I’ve forgotten the one thing I’ve deemed most important to me. Being a fan of quotes, there’s always been one quote which sums it all up:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

~Charles R. Swindoll~

That is my problem. I can’t change what I perceive as wrong. It’s not mine to change. I have no power over it, and it….it has no power over me – or as the statement goes in Labyrinth….

“For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great. You have NO POWER OVER ME.”

I have left my crayons in the cabinet for far to long. My hamster in a cabbage suit sits quietly waiting for answers I’m not giving. Even the polka dot ducks wielding rabid tree frogs have failed to stir me.

It is a very sad statement. Life is to short to be serious all the time. I’ve lost my laughter and replaced it with trepidation and frustration. Neither of which suits me. I haven’t been this person since 2003. I haven’t missed being this way. In fact, I’m rather irritated at the thought of this personality returning.

I have been faced with increasingly frustrating situations, both at home and at work. The problem is…there is no good reason for either item to be a stresser. I have a right to be frustrated. I’ll argue for that right if need be. Everyone has the right to thier emotions, whether others understand or agree with them.

If I am angry, then allow me to be angry. If I think you’re an idiot, then allow me the value of that thought. Agree or disagree, the emotion is real, and valid to me. I’ll work through it and analyze whether it should remain valid. Then apologize if necessary (and it is often necessary…).

Don’t tell me it will be okay, or devalue my emotions at the time. It is one, of many, of my pet peeves. We spend to much time trying to hurry people through their emotions by devaluing the validity of them. This often leads to situations such as mine.

I get angry. I get irritated. I get frustrated. I get completely stressed out and pissed off. Then…. I stop myself. I calm down and question whether the emotion is warranted. I question myself, the situation, and rational of all of it. Will any of it even matter a week from now? A month? A year? If the answer is ‘No’ then I do the next logical thing….I smack myself and say, “Knock it off!”

There is something most people don’t know about me. I have an over developed sense of justice. I cannot stand to see people treated unfairly – this includes myself. It’s the largest part of my problem….and frustation. It’s also why I tilt at windmills when I really should walk away.

The thing is though….if someone didn’t tilt at windmills we’d still be lost in a world full of injustice toward multiple races, sexes, and religions. Fear keeps us from tilting – whether it is for a cause or simply one individual.

But then…I am an Aquarius and it is in my nature to believe we should all be treated fairly. And no one, ever, should undervalue anyone, for any reason.

Attitude is everything. I need to change mine back to what I know it is…positive. The pity part is over. Oh Woah is me, has walked out the door. The darkness has lasted far to long. People do not fit nicely into my picture of the way things should be. They belong in their own picture. It is time to relearn what I’ve always known to be true.

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

~Ashley Smith~

For tonight, I wish you realizations etched with brillance, laughter and crayons never endering, creativity in all its wonder, and the knowing which only comes from knowing yourself. Life is a chance to make mistakes, learn, and move on. Make a choice to live authentic…and never let anyone take it away.

Goodnight my friends!

This wrecched worldes transmutacioun,
As wele or wo, now povre and now honour,
Withouten ordre or wys discrecioun
Governed is by Fortunes errour.
But natheles, the lak of hir favour
Ne may nat don me singen though I dye,
Jay tout perdu mon temps et mon labour;
For fynally, Fortune, I thee defye.

Yit is me left the light of my resoun
To knowen frend fro fo in thy mirour.
So muchel hath yit thy whirling up and doun
Ytaught me for to knowen in an hour.
But trewely, no force of thy reddour
To him that over himself hath the maystrye.
My suffisaunce shal be my socour,
For fynally Fortune, I thee defye.

O Socrates, thou stidfast champioun,
She never mighte be thy tormentour;
Thou never dreddest hir oppressioun,
Ne in hir chere founde thou no savour.
Thou knewe wel the deceit of hir colour,
And that hir moste worshipe is to lye.
I knowe hir eek a fals dissimulour,
For fynally, Fortune, I thee defye!

La respounse de Fortune au Pleintif

No man is wrecched but himself it wene,
And he that hath himself hath suffisaunce.
Why seystow thanne I am to thee so kene,
That hast thyself out of my governaunce?
Sey thus: ‘Graunt mercy of thyn haboundaunce
That thou hast lent or this.’ Why wolt thou stryve?
What wostow yit how I thee wol avaunce?
And eek thou hast thy beste frend alyve.

I have thee taught divisioun bitwene
Frend of effect and frend of countenaunce;
Thee nedeth nat the galle of noon hyene,
That cureth eyen derked for penaunce;
Now seestow cleer that were in ignoraunce.
Yit halt thyn ancre and yit thou mayst arryve
Ther bountee berth the keye of my substaunce,
And eek thou hast thy beste frend alyve.

How many have I refused to sustene
Sin I thee fostred have in thy plesaunce.
Woltow than make a statut on thy quene
That I shal been ay at thyn ordinaunce?
Thou born art in my regne of variaunce,
Aboute the wheel with other most thou dryve.
My lore is bet than wikke is thy grevaunce,
And eek thou hast thy beste frend alyve.

La respounse du Pleintif countre Fortune

Thy lore I dampne; it is adversitee.
My frend maystow nat reven, blind goddesse;
That I thy frendes knowe, I thanke it thee.
Tak hem agayn, lat hem go lye on presse.
The negardye in keping hir richesse
Prenostik is thou wolt hir tour assayle;
Wikke appetyt comth ay before syknesse.
In general, this reule may nat fayle.

La respounse de Fortune countre le Pleintif

Thou pinchest at my mutabilitee
For I thee lente a drope of my richesse,
And now me lyketh to withdrawe me.[Riv., p. 653]
Why sholdestow my realtee oppresse?
The see may ebbe and flowen more or lesse;
The welkne hath might to shyne, reyne, or hayle;
Right so mot I kythen my brotelnesse.
In general, this reule may nat fayle.

Lo, th’execucion of the majestee
That al purveyeth of his rightwysnesse,
That same thing ‘Fortune” clepen ye,
Ye blinde bestes ful of lewdednesse.
The hevene hath propretee of sikernesse.
This world hath ever resteles travayle;
Thy laste day is ende of myn intresse.
In general, this reule may nat fayle.

Lenvoy de Fortune

Princes, I prey you of your gentilesse
Lat nat this man on me thus crye and pleyne,
And I shal quyte you your bisinesse
At my requeste, as three of you or tweyne,
And but you list releve him of his peyne,
Preyeth his beste frend of his noblesse
That to som beter estat he may atteyne.

~Geoffrey Chaucer~

I always manage to find the perfect article to go with my current thoughts. Today is no exception!

Over the last month or so I’ve been evaluating a certain “co-workers” sporadically chaotic behavior. I’ve always secretly believed I need psychiactric help but I’ll be honest…this co-worker is hitting the brink of needing to be admitted! If I were the only one currently thinking this I would question my sanity (as usual) but I’m not alone.

So, running across this article…..perfect timing!

The Office: The Bad and the Ugly
by Leigh Buchanan
Wednesday, January 30, 2008

There’s a reason Dilbert, The Office, and their ilk are so popular. Satire gets old fast, but the appeal of realism endures. And the real world, sadly, is full of lousy bosses. Someone ought to do a study on where these louts come from. Were they abused by their own bosses? Did they toss overboard the ballast of human kindness to hasten the ascent of their career balloons? Or is this an example of absolute power corrupting absolutely? Such research might also demonstrate how ubiquitous miserable managers are. The proliferation of boss-bashing screeds with titles like When You Work for a Bully, Nasty Bosses, and How To Work for an Idiot suggests a plague.

A few months ago I enumerated five ways in which bosses could be great. A bookend column about bad bosses would never fit in this space, because while goodness tends to be monochromatic, badness comes in every color of the rainbow. But bad bosses of all stripes evoke similar responses in employees; consequently, you can often tell that people hate you, even if you’re not sure why.Inc. readers, of course, are all purebreds among top dogs. But on the off chance that a misfit manager stumbles across this page, here are seven signs that you are a bad boss:

1. The staff has developed guidelines for dealing with you and quietly passes them to new employees. “Never suggest that there might be another way of doing something,” they might say. Or “Act self-deprecating so he doesn’t feel threatened.”

2. You have one or two fanatical acolytes. Yes, such devotion may be a testament to your fabulousness. But often when a boss is perceived as universally loathed, the staff opportunist offers herself up as sole confidante and friend, seeking power and favor at the expense of more honest, critical employees.

3. You never see people walk by. Employees would rather circumnavigate the entire office to get to the coffee machine or bathroom than take the shortcut past your door and risk being invited in.

4. Your 360-degree evaluations come back short and full of generically positive comments, with one very mild criticism (“Sometimes she works too damn hard for her own good”) thrown in for credibility’s sake.

5. People don’t volunteer for your pet projects. The idea sucks, and they’re afraid to tell you, or it’s brilliant, but the consequences for letting you down are too terrible to imagine. And, of course, if it’s your pet project, you’ll probably work on it as well. Which means more time spent…gulp…with you.

6. You have legions of former employees, but they rarely give your name as a reference for new jobs. Either they don’t trust you to give them their due, or they worry that because they were so miserable working for you, your recollections will also be dismal.

7. You have legions of former employees, period. If your staff falls away like linty Post-it notes, ask yourself: Is high turnover the problem? Or am I?

Scary thing is all 7 of these fit!!! lol

I really feel sorry for the people enduring this boss. So, many have jumped ship all for one reason….a very bad boss.

So….for tonight, I wish you great bosses, the kind you wouldn’t trade! The luck of finding the perfect job, in the perfect place, with the most fantastic co-workers. Working is part of life. It is not the end-all-be-all of life and there should be some joy in the adventure. When you see the effects of a bad boss…do what you can to make life easier for those who have to endure the torment.

Good luck my friends and Goodnight!